Who am I? Great question right? Well let me just tell you. Here is what I am. I am an opinionated, sometimes honest to the point of cruelty, confidant, dreamer, who tries her hardest to obtain what it is she needs in life. Listen, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings by bringing light of real situations in life. Ignoring things does NOT in any way, shape, or form, mean that they don't exist. If you really think this, than you are STUPID... Yes I said it. YOU ARE STUPID. Sheltering your children from the horrible things that are; in all honesty, reality, is just dumb. They will not know how to handle extreme situations, the will freeze up, have anxiety, panic, and ultimately cause someone's demise. I don't want to be in a fox hole with YOUR kid if they have never even seen a movie of someone getting their head blown off... because when it happens, right there in front of us... I'll end up dying because YOUR kid can't handle the harsh realities of life and death. It's not all fucking rainbows and gumdrops. There is some really fucked up stuff out there. Prepare your kids for reality people... Come on. Do everyone a favor and make sure your kid isn't the reason that an entire squad of troops get's fucking annihilated. Guess that is just my military mentality... Ok, now that I have ranted about that bullshit...
I am beginning to realize that I am nothing like I thought I was. Or I am so quickly changing that I can't even keep up with myself. Metaphysical, Quantum physics, Science, Religion, Philosophy, History... all things that I am finding myself interested in. When did this happen? I have no clue. Somehow, I can do things that I have never even thought about. I can read Tarot cards, I'm beginning Mediumship, I have pretty good intuition, and I'm helping lead a Pagan group... what the fuck? Like for real... no really I am.
My life is so upside down, I broke up with my husband, I got back with my husband, and now he is off his meds, which is totally affecting his personality, and it's FREAKING killing me!!! I don't know what to do. I love him I do, but things are so weird. He is a totally different person on his meds and I honestly don't know if I can deal with him not on them. I love having someone who cares about me and is encouraging and helps me. He is so awesome with all of it. But at the same time, I don't want to be where I am completely driving myself nuts trying to deal with someone, even if I love them. I don't know what to do. I want to cry. I don't want to break his heart AGAIN. How many times can I do this. I don't want him to hate me. I've done tons of things that I shouldn't have, and I know he should hate me. What am I doing? I never know. It's like I always come full circle back to this. I am so sick of fighting for everything. I just want to beeee....... Just live.....
I am a product of all my past lives, Ireland, Italy, some Stone community 40,000 yrs ago, some life in some warrior type land where I was a whore and a favorite of the King. The king was a mighty warrior and always fought right beside his men. He told me many things that a whore should not know about war plans and affairs of the royal house. One day, he went to battle and never came back. I'm sure there are many others that I haven't recalled yet. I have fears, and flaws, and I'm definitely a bit messed up, but I am me and nothing else.
"The bridge, the door is open now, beware the darkness, trust yourself" all these things my guides have told me in some form or another. Confused, that is what I am. I am a sad confused little girl, crying in the corner of an abandoned house, waiting for some amazing man to come and take my hand and give me a reason to get up, brush off, and start living again. Fucking fairy tales... Damn you Disney.
Love,
Emilie
Tandiey
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