Bedtime...

So as I sit here in bed, trying to go to sleep, all the thoughts running through my head are just insane. Tuesday is someone special's birthday. I keep refusing the title of girlfriend... but  should I really? Why is it that I feel the need to refuse it. Will it really hurt anything? Probably not... my life is already in a crazy shambles. I have a lot of love to give out. If I don't get to express it, I get grouchy. Michael is still living with me for now. Some days I just can't wait for him to get  his own place and other times I'm like damn... I'm gonna miss him. When things are good they are pretty good, but when they are bad, I wanna stab myself repeatedly... unfortunately, there are more occasions that I want to stab myself than there are awesome times. That's why we are breaking up. I hate breaking up. It sucks. Especially when you don't hate the other person. It makes it a whole lot harder. I have work in the morning. I need to go to sleep , but nothing gets sorted out in my head. I hate always feeling out of control like there is some merry go round that I am on and can't get off and don't know when it will stop. I just can't wait for some stability. I think that is really what this all comes down to. I want to be stable in every single way possible. I know that is impossible to achieve, but the closer I can come to that the happier I'm sure that I will be. I will feel like I can breathe again and not have this constant tightness in my chest. That will be such a relief. Well, at least I'm getting tired now. Talking about things even to no-one is an amazing help. *breathe* soooooo complicated. Oh well... goodnight.

"Until the sun rises in the west and sets in the east... until the rivers run dry and the mountains blow in the wind like leaves... you are my sun and stars and I am your moon."

Love,
Tandiey ♡