This... THIS... Is what I'm talking about!

I found this page, accidentally, through pinterest.com and now that I'm reading it... I am realizing (even more than before), that this REALLY resonates with me. Look at what this guy is saying.

"There are times I’ve thought about getting a “real” job long enough to earn enough to hire someone with a dozer to come clear and level a few acres of our property for a larger garden and hay meadow. He could get more done in two days than I could in a month of hard labor.

If I got a job, I could make about $15 an hour. By the time taxes andSocial Security are deducted, I’m making about $12 per hour. Plus there’s the driving time, which in our area would be about 90 minutes each way. Now figure in gasoline to drive to work, which at current rates will be around $120 per week minimum. I’m making about $480 per week take-home pay and spending $120 per week of that for fuel, which leaves me $360 for my effort. But remember, not only am I working 40 hours a week, I’m spending another 15 hours in travel time, plus losing another five hours per week due to the hour allotted for lunch. My job is eating up 70 hours of my time each week, and after taxes and fuel I’m “making” roughly $5.14 per hour of effort expended. (Remember, the government is taking $3 per hour right off the top before I see any of it.)

Now out of that I’ll have extra maintenance on my vehicle, plus the eventual replacement cost since it’s going to wear out much faster and we’ll have to pay insurance on an extra vehicle since my wife will need a licensed and insured vehicle while I’m at work. Since I’m in town every day, we’ll spend more for things we wouldn’t normally have purchased. So let’s pretend I’ll end up with an extra $150 per week to hire a dozer and operator to clear five acres of land. He’s going to charge me $100 per hour, and it will take him about 15 hours to clear and level that five acres. His fee is going to be $1,500. Now do the math. I have $150 per week to applytoward his work, so it’s going to take me 10 weeks to save enough to pay him. In that 10 weeks, I’ll have devoted 700 hours of my time to pay him for 15 hours of work. It would take me about 350 hours to clear and level that five acres by hand. Also, if I do it myself, I won’t be paying $1,200 to the government in taxes and another $1,200 to the gas station, and I won’t be insuring, maintaining, and replacing another vehicle.

The key here is that I’m not going to do it all at one time. In fact, it might take me a couple of years while devoting a few hours per day to the project, but that’s okay. There’s no rush, and I’d rather take the extra timeworking at home than spend it in the city breathing polluted air, putting up with the constant noise, enduring the harried atmosphere, and supporting the government, insurance companies, and oil industry. I’ve done enough of that in my life already. I’ve paid the price of convenience, and it cost too much." -- http://www.grit.com   

I'm sure you just skimmed through that. STOP... Now go back and really READ it. Think about it. Add it up. Doesn't it make SO much sense? No no... Think about it logically. It does. It makes total sense. Ok so, now the result of his hard work... Check this out. 

"If it takes me 50 hours a week to provide those things, I’m still “working” 20 hours less per week than I was before, and we end up with two or three months of vacation time every year to spend wherever we want to be."

They get to take a COUPLE month long vacation... Really? So wait... you're telling me, that if I work, at my own homestead, I get to actually reap the direct reward of my OWN labor, see the progress of my hard work, and feel accomplished at the end of the season or hell... even the end of the day? Wait... and THEN... if I work really hard, I can even get a month long vacation? This sounds like freaking paradise to me. I don't have to drive to a place I hate, to spend all day with a bunch of people that I can't stand, doing something that is super unsatisfactory, so I can pay more money to upkeep the job, the cars, the clothes, just to help someone else create THEIR dream, while still literally only dreaming about mine. 

This right here... this is me now. Except the last sentence. But it will... It will be me. 

"The irony of the situation is that I used to work my regular job, then come home and work in my garden, pick huckleberries, and go hunting, fishing and trapping for fun. Now I get up every morning and do the things I’ve always truly enjoyed doing." 

Love, 

Tandiey

Christmas time...

Well, here it is folks... December 22nd, 2012. The Apocalypse date came and went. No grand earthquakes, volcanoes, meteor strikes, nothing... It was actually a pretty uneventful and relaxed day. At least for me. Had a beautiful Winter Solstice ritual at the house of a wonderful lady in my group. It was a great time, with good friends, food, and a beautiful fire. Today was pretty much the same, lazed around and got some stuff cleaned up in the house some. Went with Derrick to assist in shopping for his 2 older kids. That was only like an hour or so...
Took Rayne to JoAnne Fabrics to go look for some stuff for her altar. She has recently been asking me for an altar so she can kneel by it to pray. Not really sure where she got that idea from exactly, since that isn't what I do at mine... nor do I place my palms together to pray. To each their own, and if that's what feels right to her, I would rather her use her intuition. So we got some cool hot pink sheer fabric with silver stars all over it, for me to sew into an altar cloth for her. Also found a pendant that looks like a fairy door, which was just soooo cool so I think we will use that to make her a "rosary" or prayer beads or whatever you want to call them. Trying to find CHEAP flameless candles is like.... yeah not happening... I'm like down to the idea of buying a pack of 4 white ones and then painting them myself for the colors of the elements. Crazy I say!
While D and I were out shopping today I found this GREAT metal star decor thingy. I snatched it up and it was on sale.... $5.93!!! What a bargain. So it's now proudly hanging on my living room wall :) My first bit of witchy decor ;) Hopefully, plenty more to come. After visiting Robin's house I have SOO many ideas of things to do in mine! It was like a witchy inspiration for home decorating lol. I think I may even want to give up my spotless modern kitchen idea and swap it for a more vintage country feel. *gasp* I know right??!! I guess time will tell. My kitchen works JUST fine for now... even though I hate the pink counters... I still absolutely love my home. Best decision I ever made was buying this house. Even with all it's quirks and problems... I love it. It's mine! It's got space and love, and uniqueness, and charm, and oddities, but best of all, TONS of potential... It's great!
It is SOOO cold today and yesterday! I don't know how long this is supposed to last... OMG!! It's supposed to get down to 37 degrees tonight! That's crazy for FL. Oh well, I guess it's good for putting people in the Christmas mood though. Well, since I'm getting tired now, maybeeeee I should get to bed. Looking forward to the next time I get to snuggle up next to my love and fall asleep. Guess we will see what happens on that front. So be it! Times are changing, vibrations are changing, my life is changing, faster than I ever imagined. If only I would stop subconsciously resisting them! CHANGE IS GOOD TANDIEY!!! lol ok Night...

Love,
Tandiey Lynn

Adjusting...

I am undergoing a whole lot of personal adjustments. It is turning out to be extremely hard for me. The past week has been jam packed with tons of crying and a little screaming, tons of frustration, yelling, and really nice tight hugs from my loving boyfriend who is being very patient and helpful even when he gets frustrated with me and loses it. I can say now more than ever, the phrase, "Communication is everything" has never rang more true for me. If we are mad, we talk... sad, we talk... happy, we talk... disappointed, we talk... bubbling with joy, we talk. How is the other going to know how you are feeling if you do not communicate those feelings forth to one another. My boyfriend irritates the ever loving piss out of me, but I love him so much because he speaks his truths. Speaking truth is one way to keep your power. I need someone that I can rely on to tell me truth regardless of if it hurts or not. He does that. He is learning to deal with me and I am learning to deal with him. It's all a learning process. A very odd one, but we are both learning just the same. I guess that's all I have to say for now. Good night. I thank the universe for bringing Derrick and myself together again after so many hundreds of years. Hail Divine Spirits!

Love, 

Tandiey

Reflection...

I just want to write this down because I have not felt this peaceful since I can ever remember. This Thanksgiving was absolutely phenomenal. Not because of anything crazy awesome happening, but rather almost a lack thereof. Wednesday was a good night, nothing really, just got some stuff done and hung out. Thursday, woke up and kinda putted around for a while, and then Derrick and I got to working in the kitchen. We worked SO well as a team to do everything from prepping to cooking to maneuvering around each other. It was insanely smooth. I made 2 types of stuffing. One for in the turkey and one to bake. They both came out well. The baked one was a little burned on the bottom and dry because we had it under the turkey in the oven for 45 minutes, but it still tastes good and I FINALLY put the right amount of salt in it this year!! He helped me with chopping up stuff and and peeled the potatoes and made snacks and helped me when I didn't know what I was doing. I made deviled eggs for the first time ever! I cleaned the turkey and he cooked the turkey. OMG soo awesome.. it was falling off the bones when it came out and He used wine and butter. Yum. We ate around 4:30 and watched football and just chilled out. It was so relaxing and rewarding and I kept the kitchen clean the WHOLE time!!! I was so proud. I also made Cherry Cheese Pie and Pumpkin Pie too. So delicious... what an awesome Thanksgiving :) Friday we went out to Walmart to get him a microwave and it wasn't even that packed. So that all went smoothly too. We came home and washed and waxed my car and his scooter together with Rayne. My car looks so beautiful! It's so nice to have had the last few days being productive, but also relaxing. It's such a contradiction, but it just worked. Words can really not express how much this Thanksgiving vacation meant to me. It was beyond amazing for me. Everything that I feel life should really be about.

Looking back on the last year of my life it's just crazy... I never ever thought I would be where I am right now with the views I have right now, a year ago. The last year has brought me tears of sadness and of joy both. As of now, I wouldn't change a thing, because it all happened to get me to this place at this moment and this moment.... isn't too bad ;) A year ago, so much was so different and yet, so much the same. I'm changing. I want to change. I'm going to do this. The earth is changing, I can feel her vibrations. I am a very earthy person and I will change with her. This transition may be rough, but I have to remember the beauty that will come afterward. I know it's coming. It's all about adaptation. I'm usually so good at adapting. But this... this has been really difficult for me. It's still difficult. It may take me longer than others to get through this and figure it out, but I WILL do it. I will adapt, change, morph, and re-evaluate. I'm going to have a beautiful life. We will make it happen. I have to remember that not everything is like it has been in the past. Things are changing fast so I can't base my knowledge of what's to come, on what has happened before. It will be inaccurate. That's all for now. I'm ready to sleep. A year... changes everything.

Love,

Tandiey

So bored...

I've been going going going all day today, so now I'm sitting here waiting for Derrick to get here, Rayne is asleep, and I don't feel like being ambitious anymore tonight. I was going to play Sims, but my computer keeps crashing... It's pretty irritating. Hmm... Maybe I'll play Assassin's Creed II. Not a bad idea... Well that writing was short lived lol. Happy Thanksgiving to all!!

Love

Tandiey

What theeeee heck!!!

So i get into bed to go to sleep and I'm like okkkk I'm nice and sleepy... now I'm all like... gotta write gotta write. First off.... my room smells like dog piss... not fucking happy. Don't know who pissed on my floor, but i can assure you if i find out, someone is not going to be a happy puppy. Either way, here's my dilemma... Are we rushing things? Like after knowing you almost a year now and been dating for a month solid and like kinda a little bit before that, i thought we were doing things just fine. Am i just moody? Am i too clingy? I hate clinginess so i hope that's not it, but it's possible since i have been in a relationship where i had to keep 1000% accountability on the other person at all times to not get lied to or cheated on. NOT BLAMING HIM... i did my fair share of fucked up things in that relationship too. Just saying that it's what I'm used to now and I'm probably carrying over habits. Aside from that... i HATE being alone. I feel like i don't know what to do with myself. I get bored and anxious and ansy when I'm alone. I don't like to think too hard either because it ends up bringing good memories or bad memories to the surface and then i cry. Stupid. I hate crying. I'm so sick of crying. To me, time alone is time in fear. Too much time that i could be worrying so i have to keep busy. I went through a phase not very long ago where all i wanted to do was be alone and read, but now I'm so tired that i just wanna sleep. Its not even real tiredness... its like fatigue from constantly battling with all this crap I'm supposed to be over coming... but its like wtf.... how much more is gonna get added on my plate before i drop it and it shatters... until I shatter? I don't even get a chance to clear one thing off before another 3 get added. I need a breath. Sometimes Its like holy crap i have so many problems and issues what is the point of even trying to fight them.

I really dislike doing this on my phone because it turns into slang and caps are all wrong and grammar. Ahhhh.... I'm freezing! Its cold outside for florida and I'm not used to it. Tonight i have got to say a prayer to my Goddess and God for my friend in Ohio. She is going through some tough times so if anyone reads this and would just like to send Astrina Eribus some light or love or prayers... whatever you may call it... that is definitely appreciated.

I have known who my Goddess is now for almost 2 months i think. Recently however, i have been see my God with these beautiful antlers... yes i said antlers, not horns. I'm willing to bet that it's Cernunnos coming to me. I'm sorry but there is something about the goat horns that just makes me cringe. I can see him as a tree or a 12 point buck but not a satyr. Arianrhod has never left my side. Even before i knew it was her. Poor thing... she sent me owls in my back yard to point me the right direction and all i could find was athena with owls. Then she impressed upon me the importance of the stars that i cherish so much. I have stars everywhere. Even before both of these, i had a past life memory that is the reason my life is changing so much now, and she is the Goddess that sits in the castle and realm where the souls wait to be sent back to earth. So she is the Goddess of the Moon, Stars, corona borealis, and reincarnation. She spins the wheel of time for all our lives. Hail Arianrhod. Mother of all.

Anyways, I'm babbling and not gettig sleepy... so i need to sleep. Thanks!!!!

Love,

Tandiey

I have no clue...

So I'm trying to decide what to do... Should I blog about all my issues, or should I watch Suckerpunch... lol right? Right. Well I guess maybe I'll do both. Today I think a lot of frustration and weird feelings have come to a nice pimply head. I didn't even need to squeeze lol it just popped. I can't trust anyone. Not even myself and I think that is what today was really about. I am SOOO mad at people for not sticking to what they say and I have so many trust issues, that the second I see one little thing it's like this huge red flag goes up and I'm all like OMG DON'T TRUST HIM!!! LOOK LOOK HE IS BETRAYING YOU RIGHT NOW AS WE SPEAK! Even if it's over the dumbest thing. I guess I'm overly sensitive. Everything hurts me. Which is something I'm working on and Derrick is helping me the best he can. Even with me getting so mad at him for what is really nothing in the end. All he really wants to do is help me and make me understand that what I am doing is just hurting myself, which is bad for everyone involved. I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. I know he isn't out doing stupid crap with other girls, he has his priorities straight for the most part, and underneath that asshole exterior, he is really a caring, loving, and good person.

I have a really bad issue with saying things. When I was in the shower, I was thinking about blogging when I got out and I really realized that I say a lot of stuff that I don't necessarily mean. I mean them at the moment, but usually not in the long run. What I write down is more accurate of my actual beliefs on any given matter. That being said, I'm going to try to list some of my real issues. 

• Too sensitive to the opinions and energies of others. [*Let others define who I am*]
• Get overly emotional without necessarily rationalizing the situation. [*Just go on how I feel*]
• Feel my feelings too intensely. [*Super happy then raging angry over things that are not that serious*]
• Become offensive when feeling scared or confused. [*If I bite first I won't get hurt*]
• Trouble relaxing without becoming stagnant. [*No in between full throttle and park*]
• Use sleep as an escape. [*Whenever I "just can't take it" I want to sleep*]
• Difficulty dealing with other people's mistakes. [*Sick of having to clean up after stupid people's bad choices*]
• Don't recognize my achievements/accomplishments and don't give myself a fair amount of credit for the things I have achieved. [*Can't pat myself on the back*]
• Worry too much about how other people feel about me and not enough about how I feel about me. [*Hoping everyone will like the decision I made whether I do or not*]
• Seeking approval. [*Just want people to be proud of me*]
• Most of all, not liking myself.... 

Hell, I don't even know who I am anymore. Somewhere in the last... I would say, 5 or so years, I have completely lost who I thought I was, what I liked, and worst of all, I lost my personality. Not to say that I don't have one because... I DO. Just a lot of my old friends will be like, where is the Emmy we used to know? Where did she go and who are you? I think that is one reason I am having this [what I like to call] midlife crisis of mine. Somewhere between becoming a mother, a soldier, and a wife... I rushed into it so hard that I left myself somewhere in the Poconos, to get lost in the woods, never to be seen again. So now, here I am inventing myself all over again. It's really hard. Everything that I once loved, just doesn't really do it for me anymore... My cars, my video games, my clothes, my hair, my music, my computers... I used to be such a gear head, gamer geek chick, made my own style, always doing something new and crazy with my look, I used to love programming and web page design. Now? What do I do now? I get up and go to work so I can pay for a bunch of stuff that I don't have time to enjoy. That's how I feel. What is the point in that? I hate materialism. I like my stuff, don't get me wrong, but what good is any of it if I can't use it or enjoy it. I go to a job [a good one] that I unfortunately, am not interested in anymore... moreover, I actually hate. I dread going to work. When I used to love working there... now I absolutely hate it. Why? Because I can't make a difference anymore. Because they don't listen to the workers anymore, because engineering has their head SO far up their asses that they can't see how they are screwing the rest of the team. So much for one team one fight lol. Yeah... team on 3... 1, 2, 7... Fuck you guys, I'm going home. I want my job to be my passion, I want to LOVE what I do, even if it means working less hours and making less money. I want to ENJOY my life and live it. Love and utilize what I have instead of just obtaining things. I want to make a difference, I want to be happy and put out good energy into the universe. There is SO much bad energy, I just want to be a light in the darkness and show people that you don't have to live by societies stupid rules to be happy. God... I am such a hippie... look what I just said. Oh my goodies... I'm a freaking hippy. Ok ok... on that note... I'm out. I think I just blew my own mind. See... I have no clue who I am.

 Love,

★ Tandiey ★