Ok so enough of my happy posts lol. Been going to therapy and it has come out that I don't write enough, no seriously I don't write enough. So here I am late as FUCK at night before a UTA writing... why? Because I have to. I just do. There are a lot of things that drive me fucking nuts, but one of them is unfairness... I HATE to see people who do nothing just given shit on a silver platter. Like oh here is some expensive item, just because I feel bad for you. PITY PARTY... What the fuck people. SRSLY??? Why bother telling our children to be responsible and hard working... I mean, someone is just gonna carry you through life anyways right? Yeah until the whole world is a bunch of lazy assholes that don't want to work for ANYTHING and think that they are entitled to whatever the hell they want. FUCKHEADS... Someone has to work for it... so you are just gonna mooch off of the people that do care enough to work for it, to actually EARN what they have instead of just demanding equal treatment for not effort? WHAT THE HELL... Oh wait, isn't that what communism is all about? Hmmm maybe when you are too old to make your own decisions I will ship your ass to Russia. You will be with a bunch of like minded people then right? Damn... Is Russia even communist anymore??
HATE... Hate is a strong word that I usually equate to wishing harm upon someone, wanting them dead etc. But seriously... what word do I than use to describe not caring whether someone was alive or dead, or wishing that the universe would just make them disappear from my life completely. I would say that I wish I had never met them at all, but than I wouldn't be here writing this... so I guess I can't quite say that. I just don't want to deal with you or think about you or have this disgust for your pitiful, pathetic existence. The thought of you makes me want to vomit. Apparently, I'm not good with identifying my feelings otherwise I would list those too. The second I see your name or anything to do with you I cringe and instantly get nauseous. Then I get angry because whatever it is that you are saying, no doubt has no fucking weight in my mind and is absolutely useless fucking energy being wasted on the upkeep of such a worthless individual. That is what I really think of you. I think you are fucking WORTHLESS, Pathetic, a poor excuse for a human being, unlovable, a waste of atoms and matter. Your energy would be better used as a tomato to feed a homeless person. If I could disassemble the protons and electrons and atoms that create you and reassemble them into something useful for the greater good. I would do it. Because you are a waste of a life, a waste of resources, and a waste of oxygen as you breathe. Not to mention a waste of everyone's money that they so willing just throw at you like you are some kind of saint. FUCK you. Fuck your life. Fuck your existence. If I ever have to speak to you again it will be too soon.
Now that's out of the way... I realize that I'm a fucked up person too, but at least I'm working on it. I'm making an effort. That's what's wrong with America... people all think they are just entitled to shit. NO. Get off your lazy ASS and make it. Whatever it is that you want, make it. You want a house, build it, you want a job, go look and accept what comes to you. You want to be good at something, practice, you want to learn something, research-study-listen-pay attention. GRrrr.... Out of all the things that I have done in life, I don't care. Because everything I have done, has brought me to here.
Where is here? HERE is where I live, in Florida, a wonderful place. Here is my home, which I put an effort into fighting for when they didn't want to trust a 25 year old with a credit score of 600. Here, is at my job... making decent money so I can help other people in NEED, so that they can pay if forward or help people I love because it makes me Happy. Here is where I met my boyfriend. Derrick Shafer... The love of my life. I am sorry for hurting feelings along the way. I truly am. But here, here, is where I am. Here is where I need to be, where my path has led me, where I will learn and continue my journey. Here is where Derrick and I learn who we truly are, together, and apart, and create a life that is exactly what we want. Here is where I catch a break from the shitty lives that I have dealt with just to be in his arms again. Here is where we remember our past lives, to learn from them, to better ourselves from them, and advance our souls to the next level. Hundreds, maybe thousands of years we were apart in between lives together. It is just like now. We know the other is there, but we have our separate houses, and separate times so that we can learn from it and become the best we can, so that together, we can face anything the universe throws at us. Together Derrick, Adrian, my King, we will become stronger than ever, and we will do whatever is necessary. Together we will ignite the fire of life into the world and watch it burn, burn to the ground so we can help the people build a new and better tomorrow. Together my love, we are unstoppable... together... forever. Infinity. For infinity our energy will intertwine for the betterment of the universe. Even in small steps. I feel more for you than I ever thought possible to feel about another human, but that is because you are not just a human. You are part of my soul. Our souls together create a force to be reckoned with. I know that you know it's true. We are one.
Love,
~*Tandiey*~ (Tandiey is happy, Emilie is sad, Emilie is not welcome here anymore.)
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