Oye... just oye... Today I was so seriously unproductive. All I did was watch a tv show all day. I watched 12 episodes of The Secret Circle. My mind was cluttered before, now it's even more jammed.
On top of all the magick stuff in the show, what really has me wondering is the whole Adam and Cassie thing...
Can it really be possible for 2 people to be destined to be with each other? Can it be "written in the stars"? It just has me pondering life and love. Soulmates, twin flames, destiny... fate. I understand that soulmates and twin flames are different, now that I've looked it up, but I almost hate to say, I think I'd even be happy with a positive soulmate relationship without even attaining my twin flame. I mean, if I found my twin flame that would be amazing, but the chances of that happening logically are just so slim. I just don't want to have a negative relationship. Soulmates or not... I need positivity and joyfulness not grim drudgery. YUCK! I feel like I am so messed up! It's so difficult to distinguish whether it's me that is messed up or mostly my relationship that is messed up. I don't want to blame anyone, but at the same time, I don't want to blame myself if it's not really me. Credit should go where credit is due regardless of the polarity of the credit itself.
I have felt nauseous all day. I think it's stress. I know that whatever my decision is I need to decide, because it's eating me alive. I need to move on in whatever direction and quit torturing myself. Why is it that I am not ready to do that? What is holding me back, WHY am I holding myself back?
OMG. My head hurts. I wish I could meditate, but it seems like it never gets me anywhere. Literally, like I just sit here and am like oooook anytime now I should like be clearer or something, but nope. Doesn't happen. Grrrr... I'm so Grrrr right now. I don't even know what to write. Soooo the end.
Love,
Emilie
Tandiey
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