September 30, 2014
In light of recent events, I have had to coach my daughter to stop lying to get people to like her and I have realized that so many people do this that it is almost scary. I guess I already kind of knew this, but more light than usual has been shed on this subject. I, like too many others, have partially been living a lie. I tell her not to worry what other people think of her. I tell her that if that person does not put a roof over your head, food on your plate, or a grade on your homework, than it doesn't matter what they think. In this world of material items, when the entire focus on life is on how much money you make and how many material items you can buy, this point is very hard to drive home, especially to a child who loves pretty sparkly things. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with her liking pretty sparkly things, but I want her to like them because SHE likes them. I want her to like them because seeing them makes her feel happy, not because Susy Sunshine likes it and everybody likes her.
I explained to her that I love lime green, because everytime I see it, it makes me feel happy. I don't like things just because other people do, I like them because they make me feel happiness. I'm not up to date on all the latest trends. I'm not interested in the fact that my favorite pair of jeans are flare leg and that's completely out of style. I'm not interested in the fact that some people didn't approve of my hot pink or rainbow hair that I had this spring. I am certainly not interested in what people who do not affect my everyday life are thinking about me. I am, however, a little too concerned with what people that DO affect my life think about me, my personality, or my choices. It's time for that to come to an end.
What type of an example am I setting if I am constantly thinking about what they think? As soon as my daughter gets a boyfriend or a best friend who doesn't approve of her taste in fashion or her enthusiasm for odd hobbies, will she just try to change herself to fit their form because she is too afraid to lose their interest? I don't want her to. I want her to stand up for what makes her happy. If she isn't hurting anyone or herself, what does it matter if she likes to, I don't know, paint pictures of fairies and mermaids all day.
So here is my confession. I do not like to play social games, even though I am rather good at them. In fact, I hate it. I hate smiling at people that I don't like just because they are friends with my friend. I hate acting like I'm proper and lady-like when I have to burp. I hate sugar coating the truth for people when they need to be hit with a 2 x 4. Ok, Ok, I understand that one, because sometimes the truth can hurt more than the mistake a person will make... so that one is up for interpretation. Really though, I hate pretending to have a good time when I am not. I hate drinking with a bunch of people that I don't like and still being expected to keep the painted smile on and not to say things that are inappropriate. I hate pretending that I'm the kind of person who sits around and drinks and small talks. Those of you who know me well, know that I'm not the most appropriate person. I clean up well when needed, but it's not my natural habitat. I'm not Tyrion Lannister, I could never live in King's Landing. Small talk is for shallow people. Small talk is for people who are covering up who they truly are inside because they are afraid of rejection of their true self.
Like I told my daughter, If you don't show your true self, you will never find other people that are like you. Here are the things that I enjoy. Learning, getting good grades, languages, codes, flourescent colors, skater shoes, belly shirts, short shorts, poetry, music with good lyrics, intelligent conversation, deep meaningful conversations, contemplating the universe, science, the paranormal, the supernatural, nature, animals, cultures, travelling, discovery, helping people, intimacy, passion, love, good sex, good food, the sound of the ocean crashing on the shore, the smell of salt air, the smell of the forest, gymnastics, contortionists, tattoos, adrenaline rushes, things that go vroom, the sound of a turbo paired with a blow-off valve, driving fast, nerdy glasses, backwards hats, homemade jewelry, achieving, resourcefulness, and honesty. I'm sure there are plenty of other things that I'm forgetting.
I am me, a pile of random likes and dislikes because they make me feel a certain way. I do not like things because other people like them. I do not dislike things because someone tells me that they are wrong. I listen, observe, and form my own opinion based on my observation. If what I observe changes, than so does my opinion.
Love,
~*Tandiey*~
What type of an example am I setting if I am constantly thinking about what they think? As soon as my daughter gets a boyfriend or a best friend who doesn't approve of her taste in fashion or her enthusiasm for odd hobbies, will she just try to change herself to fit their form because she is too afraid to lose their interest? I don't want her to. I want her to stand up for what makes her happy. If she isn't hurting anyone or herself, what does it matter if she likes to, I don't know, paint pictures of fairies and mermaids all day.
So here is my confession. I do not like to play social games, even though I am rather good at them. In fact, I hate it. I hate smiling at people that I don't like just because they are friends with my friend. I hate acting like I'm proper and lady-like when I have to burp. I hate sugar coating the truth for people when they need to be hit with a 2 x 4. Ok, Ok, I understand that one, because sometimes the truth can hurt more than the mistake a person will make... so that one is up for interpretation. Really though, I hate pretending to have a good time when I am not. I hate drinking with a bunch of people that I don't like and still being expected to keep the painted smile on and not to say things that are inappropriate. I hate pretending that I'm the kind of person who sits around and drinks and small talks. Those of you who know me well, know that I'm not the most appropriate person. I clean up well when needed, but it's not my natural habitat. I'm not Tyrion Lannister, I could never live in King's Landing. Small talk is for shallow people. Small talk is for people who are covering up who they truly are inside because they are afraid of rejection of their true self.
Like I told my daughter, If you don't show your true self, you will never find other people that are like you. Here are the things that I enjoy. Learning, getting good grades, languages, codes, flourescent colors, skater shoes, belly shirts, short shorts, poetry, music with good lyrics, intelligent conversation, deep meaningful conversations, contemplating the universe, science, the paranormal, the supernatural, nature, animals, cultures, travelling, discovery, helping people, intimacy, passion, love, good sex, good food, the sound of the ocean crashing on the shore, the smell of salt air, the smell of the forest, gymnastics, contortionists, tattoos, adrenaline rushes, things that go vroom, the sound of a turbo paired with a blow-off valve, driving fast, nerdy glasses, backwards hats, homemade jewelry, achieving, resourcefulness, and honesty. I'm sure there are plenty of other things that I'm forgetting.
I am me, a pile of random likes and dislikes because they make me feel a certain way. I do not like things because other people like them. I do not dislike things because someone tells me that they are wrong. I listen, observe, and form my own opinion based on my observation. If what I observe changes, than so does my opinion.
Love,
~*Tandiey*~
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