Today is going to be a good day! The angels are helping me in everyway i need.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Well...
I just wanted to say that today was a pretty much all around good day. My class tonight was awesome and I was so happy to have been able to go. I absolutely love my teacher. She means the world to me.
Reiki 2 on Sunday!!! So excited. I LOVE learning new things. Today was full of hope... I have hope that I will find my path, I will enjoy my journey, I will help people, and I will be HAPPY!
Now though, it's time for bed. I'm so tired and it's way past my bedtime. Good night!
Love,
Emilie
Tandiey
Reiki 2 on Sunday!!! So excited. I LOVE learning new things. Today was full of hope... I have hope that I will find my path, I will enjoy my journey, I will help people, and I will be HAPPY!
Now though, it's time for bed. I'm so tired and it's way past my bedtime. Good night!
Love,
Emilie
Tandiey
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
The Ocean of Life
"The Ocean of Life"
My heart is breaking..
With every day its taking
Till I can see your face again (face again) (see you again)
I write this song with tears in my eyes
I'm so confused from all the lies.
One day maybe I will understand it all. (understand it all)
(Chorus)
What goes down must come up,
One moment it's empty, then I have a full cup,
Life is like the waves of time.
and like the flow, the flow of rhyme.
Back and forth and to and fro,
Look out world 'cuz here we go.
Let's ride this rollercoaster till we all collapse.
This life is over way too fast.
One day I cry and then I smile
You feel my emotions all the while.
I hate my pain because you hurt. (you hurt) (don't wanna hurt)
Someday maybe I'll find my path.
When that happens, I hope we can last,
But until then my hearts still breaking... (little by little) (piece by piece)
(Chorus)
What goes down must come up,
One moment it's empty, then I have a full cup,
Life is like the waves of time.
and like the flow, the flow of rhyme.
Back and forth and to and fro,
Look out world 'cuz here we go.
Let's ride this rollercoaster till we all collapse.
This life is over way too fast.
(Bridge)
This is it now, I have to choose
My life is here and now so what do I have to lose...
Decisions are at every step,
I'll make them now and hope for the best.
My time is short so I have to go,
My time is too short to be living so low.
When this life is over, I hope to say
That I lived my best every single day.
If I can't say that, then what do I have,
but a bunch of days that mean nothing at last.
(Chorus)
What goes down must come up,
One moment it's empty, then I have a full cup,
Life is like the waves of time.
and like the flow, the flow of rhyme.
Back and forth and to and fro,
Look out world 'cuz here we go.
Let's ride this rollercoaster till we all collapse.
This life is over way too fast.
(Bridge 2)
Today I will start living for real.
I will try to listen to how I feel. (how do you feel)
I will maintain control but always know
That when it's gone, I must let it go.
(Chorus)
What goes down must come up,
One moment it's empty, then I have a full cup,
Life is like the waves of time.
and like the flow, the flow of rhyme.
Back and forth and to and fro,
Look out world 'cuz here we go.
Let's ride this rollercoaster till we all collapse.
This life is over way too fast.
COPYRIGHT January 10, 2012
My heart is breaking..
With every day its taking
Till I can see your face again (face again) (see you again)
I write this song with tears in my eyes
I'm so confused from all the lies.
One day maybe I will understand it all. (understand it all)
(Chorus)
What goes down must come up,
One moment it's empty, then I have a full cup,
Life is like the waves of time.
and like the flow, the flow of rhyme.
Back and forth and to and fro,
Look out world 'cuz here we go.
Let's ride this rollercoaster till we all collapse.
This life is over way too fast.
One day I cry and then I smile
You feel my emotions all the while.
I hate my pain because you hurt. (you hurt) (don't wanna hurt)
Someday maybe I'll find my path.
When that happens, I hope we can last,
But until then my hearts still breaking... (little by little) (piece by piece)
(Chorus)
What goes down must come up,
One moment it's empty, then I have a full cup,
Life is like the waves of time.
and like the flow, the flow of rhyme.
Back and forth and to and fro,
Look out world 'cuz here we go.
Let's ride this rollercoaster till we all collapse.
This life is over way too fast.
(Bridge)
This is it now, I have to choose
My life is here and now so what do I have to lose...
Decisions are at every step,
I'll make them now and hope for the best.
My time is short so I have to go,
My time is too short to be living so low.
When this life is over, I hope to say
That I lived my best every single day.
If I can't say that, then what do I have,
but a bunch of days that mean nothing at last.
(Chorus)
What goes down must come up,
One moment it's empty, then I have a full cup,
Life is like the waves of time.
and like the flow, the flow of rhyme.
Back and forth and to and fro,
Look out world 'cuz here we go.
Let's ride this rollercoaster till we all collapse.
This life is over way too fast.
(Bridge 2)
Today I will start living for real.
I will try to listen to how I feel. (how do you feel)
I will maintain control but always know
That when it's gone, I must let it go.
(Chorus)
What goes down must come up,
One moment it's empty, then I have a full cup,
Life is like the waves of time.
and like the flow, the flow of rhyme.
Back and forth and to and fro,
Look out world 'cuz here we go.
Let's ride this rollercoaster till we all collapse.
This life is over way too fast.
COPYRIGHT January 10, 2012
Yo Yo up and then down...
Why do I feel like a freaking yo yo, one minute I'm up then I'm down and never do I stop. Today I spent my lunch break crying my eyes out trying to figure out what it is that I want in life. I'm at a fork in the road, which path do I take? There are always consequences. So many consequences. How do I "just live in the present moment"? If I was to do that, I would do a lot of things that would probably make me a bad person. I'm just so spent. So confused. I feel like a I just can't handle it anymore. I almost feel like I am grasping at anything and everything to try to boost my mood regardless of if it's bad or good.
I wish I knew what to write, what to say, what step to take next. I wish I knew who to talk to and who to not talk to. I always talk to a lot of people and get their opinions and advice and then take them all into consideration and form my own conclusion. Then I make my decision. It's just that I don't like either choices this time around. When it boils right on down to it this is what I feel like my choices are:
Be married and unhappy, or Be alone.
Both of those don't sound too nice. I can't really see pros to either of them. Right now, I'm pretty unhappy being married. Why you may ask? I am not sure. I feel like I have been lied to so much with so many things that I don't know what else to do anymore. I feel like my psychologist has lied to me. The marriage counselor has lied to me. My friends are lying to me. I am lying to myself. What in the hell am I doing?
One of my friends said that I need to be checked for bipolar. I can understand that. If I'm not bipolar though, I must have some really bad self-destructive habits or something. Maybe guilt issues? I feel like a freaking basket case. I don't want to be insane. I want to be happy, fun loving, in love, joyful, full of generosity and love. I want to be a healer, an herbalist, an apothecary. How can I be any of those things when I can't even heal and help myself. It's impossible. I need to heal before I can heal others.
Saturday, I'm taking Reiki 2. Maybe when I learn the symbol for raising energy I can help myself raise the energy I need to heal myself. Wishful thinking I know, but I'm the dreamer apparently. Somehow I'm a dreamer and a pessimist. How the hell does that go together lol. I'm desperate to find balance. I need balance. I feel like I'm slowly dying inside. I want to escape myself.
I wish you would read this, so you might understand more what's in my head. I want someone to understand me so much. I need to feel that connection. I yearn for it. I am scared that I am searching for an unattainable feeling. Maybe it doesn't exist, but I swear it does. I swear I felt it once, I swear I also knew it in a dream, not just knew or felt it, but was fully and completely engulfed within it. It was the best dream I have ever had. Maybe a memory, maybe not. In the end, does it matter? It was in my subconscious mind and when I woke up, I could still feel it. I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I almost cried. It was a dream of long ago, when times were different, people were different, and life was quite literally, only what you make of it. We didn't have a lot, but we had each other, a thatched roof over our heads, a warm fire, enough food to survive, and the beauty of nature at our feet. It was all we needed to be happy. I want to feel THAT happiness again.
I'm done with this now. I could go on and on in circles. One day, may we all feel the love that I felt in my dream...
Love,
Emilie
Tandiey
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Today...
The only thing I have for today is a quote. I had UTA and it was boring. Tomorrow will be the same, but this... this is what is in my mind right now.
"The best things in life are the nearest: breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you." --- Robert Lewis Stevenson
If the world ended tomorrow, would I be happy with what today was? My answer to that would be hell no. Why is this so confusing?
"The best things in life are the nearest: breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you." --- Robert Lewis Stevenson
If the world ended tomorrow, would I be happy with what today was? My answer to that would be hell no. Why is this so confusing?
Monday, January 2, 2012
My weird scientific dream...
The hormone levels of males in a relationship with females of an unbalanced type will automatically adjust themselves to balance the overall amount of certain hormones thus causing the levels to equal out to approximate necessity for balance. Females with a higher than normal testosterone level will automatically cause their male counterpart to unknowingly produce less testosterone to balance the equation of hormone levels in the home or relationship for those spending mass amounts of time togeher.
That was written at about 5am this morning when I awoke from my dream that I had just discovered this. I was a scientist or something. Either way I was telling someone about my discovery and woke up so I had to document it. The last time that I had a scientific dream so detailed was about 9 years ago when I had found the formula of the evolution of mankind and realized that the evolution of our species moves in a wave pattern. I was like 18... really? I only wish I would have thought to write down the details to that dream, because I had literally written down the formula on a dry erase board in my dream and could see it when I woke up. I had all kinds of details, but didn't write it down, instead I just went back to sleep. It would have been interesting to see if any of my science dreams are actually true... Enjoy.
Love,
Emilie
Tandiey
That was written at about 5am this morning when I awoke from my dream that I had just discovered this. I was a scientist or something. Either way I was telling someone about my discovery and woke up so I had to document it. The last time that I had a scientific dream so detailed was about 9 years ago when I had found the formula of the evolution of mankind and realized that the evolution of our species moves in a wave pattern. I was like 18... really? I only wish I would have thought to write down the details to that dream, because I had literally written down the formula on a dry erase board in my dream and could see it when I woke up. I had all kinds of details, but didn't write it down, instead I just went back to sleep. It would have been interesting to see if any of my science dreams are actually true... Enjoy.
Love,
Emilie
Tandiey
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Welcome 2012...
I decided to do a tarot reading on myself today, with the start of the new year and all you know... I did the spread that seemed to call to me. The wheel of the year spread. It's a circle basically marked by the sabbats of the year. Each card is representative of that time of the year. I interpreted it that each card was a representation of me at that time in the upcoming year. So here it is...
Starting from about now. The top left corner, which would be Imbolc, I'll list them going counterclockwise.
Imbolc - Feb. 2: Page of Cups ~ A messenger, vulnerable, yet still taking the risks. Fearless, intellectual, and listening. Emotional.
Ostara - March 20: Queen of Cups ~ Compassionate, creative, receptive, empathic, and intuitive. Nurtures people with patience and love.
Beltane - May 1: The World ~ Queen of the Witches, this card depicts success and completion. Corresponds to the planet of Saturn, a planet of boundaries which will help me define myself and relate to others without losing my individuality. Definition of myself. (I'm highly looking forward to that)
Midsummer - June 20: The High Priestess ~ Master of divination, symbolic of intuition, guidance, and the cyclical nature of life. Reflection on both spiritual and philosophical levels. The dualities of nature. Psychic abilities.
Lammas - Aug. 1: Two of Swords ~ Challenges, difficult decisions, use of other senses to see what is really there. Symbolic of uncertain peace, a frail alliance, and an impasse. Suggests the need to resolve a stalemate or break a tie.
Mabon - Sept. 21: Three of Swords ~ A card of grief and heartbreak. Symbolizes heartache, pain, abandonment, and estrangement. Sometimes betrayal, infidelity, and divorce.
Samhain - Oct. 31: Ten of Swords ~ A card of overkill and ruin. Symbolizes destruction, loss, breakdown of relationships, disillusion and disloyalty. Normally relates to gossip and backstabbing. "Death by a thousand cuts." Doesn't happen all at once.
Yule - Dec. 21: The Hermit ~ Represents wisdom, prudence, illumination, philosophy, introspection, and meditation. Illustrates the concept of solitude and the power of silence. Very critical of oneself.
There you have it. My life for the next year. Now, we remember that every decision we make can change the path of life. So basically, if I continue on the path that I am currently on, this is what will probably happen. If I change it, this too will change. Decisions, decisions... Do I want to change it? Or is this what I really want? Hmmmm....
Starting from about now. The top left corner, which would be Imbolc, I'll list them going counterclockwise.
Imbolc - Feb. 2: Page of Cups ~ A messenger, vulnerable, yet still taking the risks. Fearless, intellectual, and listening. Emotional.
Ostara - March 20: Queen of Cups ~ Compassionate, creative, receptive, empathic, and intuitive. Nurtures people with patience and love.
Beltane - May 1: The World ~ Queen of the Witches, this card depicts success and completion. Corresponds to the planet of Saturn, a planet of boundaries which will help me define myself and relate to others without losing my individuality. Definition of myself. (I'm highly looking forward to that)
Midsummer - June 20: The High Priestess ~ Master of divination, symbolic of intuition, guidance, and the cyclical nature of life. Reflection on both spiritual and philosophical levels. The dualities of nature. Psychic abilities.
Lammas - Aug. 1: Two of Swords ~ Challenges, difficult decisions, use of other senses to see what is really there. Symbolic of uncertain peace, a frail alliance, and an impasse. Suggests the need to resolve a stalemate or break a tie.
Mabon - Sept. 21: Three of Swords ~ A card of grief and heartbreak. Symbolizes heartache, pain, abandonment, and estrangement. Sometimes betrayal, infidelity, and divorce.
Samhain - Oct. 31: Ten of Swords ~ A card of overkill and ruin. Symbolizes destruction, loss, breakdown of relationships, disillusion and disloyalty. Normally relates to gossip and backstabbing. "Death by a thousand cuts." Doesn't happen all at once.
Yule - Dec. 21: The Hermit ~ Represents wisdom, prudence, illumination, philosophy, introspection, and meditation. Illustrates the concept of solitude and the power of silence. Very critical of oneself.
There you have it. My life for the next year. Now, we remember that every decision we make can change the path of life. So basically, if I continue on the path that I am currently on, this is what will probably happen. If I change it, this too will change. Decisions, decisions... Do I want to change it? Or is this what I really want? Hmmmm....
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